i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
