I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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