remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
