i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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