am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
