I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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