DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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