You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
