I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
