dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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