She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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