you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
