so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
