why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize