Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
