who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
soo... how was my night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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