It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize