Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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