yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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