he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dick very happy bro
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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