i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
