wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
