When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize