all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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