Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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