Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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