Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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