dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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