I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
