Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
