Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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