and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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