wakey wakey hands off snakey
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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