I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
