next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
