one two three fourrrrnication!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
