My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
