I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
