why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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