Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
