apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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