I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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