let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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