I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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