i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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