i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
