rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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