i think my tv is drunk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize