Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
