the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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