I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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