I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
