Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
