you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
