Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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