Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
