At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
