So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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