so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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