I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We left the knife in your bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
