maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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