I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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