i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
